Dear World,
As I continue my theological education and enter into ministry and working with other children of God, please keep me accountable.
Never let me assume you are stupid.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Jana
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
my grandma
Last weekend, my grandma (my mom's mom) passed away. She was 92 years old, and she died of congestive heart failure. It wasn't completely unexpected, given her age and her condition, but it happened quickly. She was doing okay one day, and the next day she was gone.
I flew out to be with my family over the weekend for the memorial service. (Grandma had strict instructions not to call it a funeral, and to keep it joyful. :) ) I was glad I could be there. Almost all my cousins were there, and all but one of my siblings - it was good to see our family again. And, of course, it was good to celebrate my grandma's amazing life.
I was struck with how often I heard people comment that my grandma's prayers were answered. She had been longing to be with her Savior for a long time now, but especially in the last few months, as she was moved from her house and her independence to a retirement home to a nursing home. And now God answered her prayer. What a comfort to know!
I flew out to be with my family over the weekend for the memorial service. (Grandma had strict instructions not to call it a funeral, and to keep it joyful. :) ) I was glad I could be there. Almost all my cousins were there, and all but one of my siblings - it was good to see our family again. And, of course, it was good to celebrate my grandma's amazing life.
I was struck with how often I heard people comment that my grandma's prayers were answered. She had been longing to be with her Savior for a long time now, but especially in the last few months, as she was moved from her house and her independence to a retirement home to a nursing home. And now God answered her prayer. What a comfort to know!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
The Omniscient God
(Just some thoughts I wrote down after a class the other day...)
Nearly everyone who's been around Christianity for awhile has been taught the traditional Christian "omnis". God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent. All-powerful, all-knowing/seeing, ever-present.
Sometimes I think these "omnis" may do more harm in our thinking than good. If God is really omnipotent, if he has the power to do anything, why didn't God prevent the fall? Why doesn't he simply wipe out sin? Why was it necessary to sacrifice Jesus? Why so much violence for our salvation?
But more often than this, I think the "omnis" serve to scare us into behaving. Especially "omniscient" - if God sees all and knows all, we humans better not do anything wrong. God will see it. God will know it. Do you really want God to know you said that? Thought that? Did that behind closed doors?
Or, maybe we understand God's omniscience like a superpower. Maybe God is a big cosmic superhero. He's got the ultimate x-ray vision. Move over Superman - check out Jesus. Not only can he see through walls, he can see through your words and stoic faces into your heart.
I don't think this is how Scripture shows us God's omniscience. Yes, God knows your heart and sees the things you do even in secret, and God grieves deeply over our sin, but that's not all God sees. In Genesis 16, we're told that Hagar, the servant of Abraham who bore him Ishmael. Hagar was running away, after Sarah (or, Sarai, at the time) treated her harshly. Imagine what she must've been feeling. She did her duty by bearing Abraham's son, but his wife, clearly, was not pleased. What would you do? But, in the midst of her running away, Hagar hears from God. God himself shows her mercy. And Hagar responds by calling God El-roi’, or the God who sees me.
I love that prayer. "You are the God who sees me." This woman - this woman who we can imagine felt rejected, afraid, guilty, trapped - knew God saw her. Not that he looked down on her in judgment, or noticed her but soon forgot her - but really saw her.
"You are the God who sees me."
God sees all things. God is omniscient. He knows us, he sees us, even when all others have forgotten who we truly are. He knows us deeply, loves us deeply, perhaps even more deeply that we will ever know ourselves.
Our God, the Triune God, Creator of the Universe, is the God who sees us. Not a superhero or a judgmental tyrant, but the one who cares enough to see and know all things.
I praise our God for his indescribable gift.
Nearly everyone who's been around Christianity for awhile has been taught the traditional Christian "omnis". God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent. All-powerful, all-knowing/seeing, ever-present.
Sometimes I think these "omnis" may do more harm in our thinking than good. If God is really omnipotent, if he has the power to do anything, why didn't God prevent the fall? Why doesn't he simply wipe out sin? Why was it necessary to sacrifice Jesus? Why so much violence for our salvation?
But more often than this, I think the "omnis" serve to scare us into behaving. Especially "omniscient" - if God sees all and knows all, we humans better not do anything wrong. God will see it. God will know it. Do you really want God to know you said that? Thought that? Did that behind closed doors?
Or, maybe we understand God's omniscience like a superpower. Maybe God is a big cosmic superhero. He's got the ultimate x-ray vision. Move over Superman - check out Jesus. Not only can he see through walls, he can see through your words and stoic faces into your heart.
I don't think this is how Scripture shows us God's omniscience. Yes, God knows your heart and sees the things you do even in secret, and God grieves deeply over our sin, but that's not all God sees. In Genesis 16, we're told that Hagar, the servant of Abraham who bore him Ishmael. Hagar was running away, after Sarah (or, Sarai, at the time) treated her harshly. Imagine what she must've been feeling. She did her duty by bearing Abraham's son, but his wife, clearly, was not pleased. What would you do? But, in the midst of her running away, Hagar hears from God. God himself shows her mercy. And Hagar responds by calling God El-roi’, or the God who sees me.
I love that prayer. "You are the God who sees me." This woman - this woman who we can imagine felt rejected, afraid, guilty, trapped - knew God saw her. Not that he looked down on her in judgment, or noticed her but soon forgot her - but really saw her.
"You are the God who sees me."
God sees all things. God is omniscient. He knows us, he sees us, even when all others have forgotten who we truly are. He knows us deeply, loves us deeply, perhaps even more deeply that we will ever know ourselves.
Our God, the Triune God, Creator of the Universe, is the God who sees us. Not a superhero or a judgmental tyrant, but the one who cares enough to see and know all things.
I praise our God for his indescribable gift.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
yes, please
Jeremy and I would like to have the clothes of these people.
Also, I wonder if I should get bangs.
The end.
Also, I wonder if I should get bangs.
The end.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
the birthday run-down
Yesterday was my birthday. Friday was Jeremy's birthday. This always makes an interesting dynamic, having both of our birthdays in a 4 day span. And by interesting, I mean kinda fun.
Last Friday, on Jeremy's birthday, we went to Disneyland. Normally, you get free admission on your birthday, but we already have annual passes, so we got a whole bunch of FastPasses instead, which was awesome. We pretty much never stood in line. We went to celebrate both of our birthdays, but since it was actually Jeremy's birthday, he got a big pin that said it was his birthday, and a special birthday hug from Pluto, and a "happy birthday" from random passers-by. All of this made Jeremy slightly uncomfortable, since he's not really into the whole it's-my-birthday-pay-attention-to-me phenomenon. But, it was cute nonetheless.
Of course, with birthdays come presents. So, here's the run-down:
1. From me to Jeremy and me to ourselves: A book called 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die. He's already trying to check them all off. :) Also, The third season of 30Rock on DVD, which I had been whining about not being able to watch very much last season. Best line so far comes from Kenneth, who said, "Oh, I don't believe in hypothetical situations. That's like lying to your brain."
2. From a whole bunch of people to all of us: random renditions of "Happy Birthday" over the phone, including a very jazzy one from Mom and Dad, a PG-13-rated one from Jillayne and Aaron, an off-key one from Brian, a "Happy Groundhog Day" message from Phil, and a very sad song from Anna and Hehoff.
3. From Mom and Dad to both of us: help with getting home over Christmas. And help with fixing our car. And a card with a check in it, which will probably be spent either on a date or at Old Navy. :) (Apparently there was a card for Jeremy, too, but it maybe got lost in the mail...)
4. From the Kruis family (from our church): A cake.
5. From Jeremy's parents: money to go out on a date, which will happen on Thursday. This date will include going out to dinner (Thai food) and a movie (The Informant). I'm very excited for Thursday.
6. And, last but not least, from Phil and Lies: U2 tickets! Yes, that's right, they bought us U2 tickets. For Oct. 25th. At the Rose Bowl. Which is 2 miles from our apartment. And is also apparently the biggest event to ever be held at the Rose Bowl, including the Rose Bowl. (ha.) General Admission seats, with instructions on when to get in line, where to stand for the concert, and any other detail we may be curious about, since Phil and Lies are official U2 concert-going experts. SO excited.
And, just for fun, here's a picture of Jeremy and Me and a giant Mickey pumpkin.
Last Friday, on Jeremy's birthday, we went to Disneyland. Normally, you get free admission on your birthday, but we already have annual passes, so we got a whole bunch of FastPasses instead, which was awesome. We pretty much never stood in line. We went to celebrate both of our birthdays, but since it was actually Jeremy's birthday, he got a big pin that said it was his birthday, and a special birthday hug from Pluto, and a "happy birthday" from random passers-by. All of this made Jeremy slightly uncomfortable, since he's not really into the whole it's-my-birthday-pay-attention-to-me phenomenon. But, it was cute nonetheless.
Of course, with birthdays come presents. So, here's the run-down:
1. From me to Jeremy and me to ourselves: A book called 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die. He's already trying to check them all off. :) Also, The third season of 30Rock on DVD, which I had been whining about not being able to watch very much last season. Best line so far comes from Kenneth, who said, "Oh, I don't believe in hypothetical situations. That's like lying to your brain."
2. From a whole bunch of people to all of us: random renditions of "Happy Birthday" over the phone, including a very jazzy one from Mom and Dad, a PG-13-rated one from Jillayne and Aaron, an off-key one from Brian, a "Happy Groundhog Day" message from Phil, and a very sad song from Anna and Hehoff.
3. From Mom and Dad to both of us: help with getting home over Christmas. And help with fixing our car. And a card with a check in it, which will probably be spent either on a date or at Old Navy. :) (Apparently there was a card for Jeremy, too, but it maybe got lost in the mail...)
4. From the Kruis family (from our church): A cake.
5. From Jeremy's parents: money to go out on a date, which will happen on Thursday. This date will include going out to dinner (Thai food) and a movie (The Informant). I'm very excited for Thursday.
6. And, last but not least, from Phil and Lies: U2 tickets! Yes, that's right, they bought us U2 tickets. For Oct. 25th. At the Rose Bowl. Which is 2 miles from our apartment. And is also apparently the biggest event to ever be held at the Rose Bowl, including the Rose Bowl. (ha.) General Admission seats, with instructions on when to get in line, where to stand for the concert, and any other detail we may be curious about, since Phil and Lies are official U2 concert-going experts. SO excited.
And, just for fun, here's a picture of Jeremy and Me and a giant Mickey pumpkin.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
updates and other news
Hooray for a healthy and beautiful niece! Eliza Grace is home and doing great - and so are her parents. Andrew, my nephew, apparently likes to run by her, touch her nose, and walk away singing "na na na na na." (He's 2, can you tell?) I really wish I could see them, but I guess this is what comes of our choices to live on opposite ends of the country.
Grandma seems to be doing better, and, according to my mom, is a little disappointed in that. :) She's no longer on morphine and the pain has subsided, but the general consensus is that while death may not be imminent anymore, it also may not be far off. Grandma just wants to go be with God - she's not enjoying her new nursing home, which I can imagine. Mentally, she's always been incredible, but she just can't live on her own physically speaking anymore. But it sounds like a large majority of the other residents aren't in the same boat. They do, however, have Packer parties there, so...well, it's Wisconsin. :)
In other news, Jeremy and I started classes again on Monday. I'm realizing that this will be our first full year as Fuller students. With the start of the quarter came the start of Greek, for me. This will be interesting. I'm not sure my crappy high school Spanish program counts as experience studying foreign languages, so I'm not sure if I'm good at learning foreign languages. But, as my prof reminded us, the goal of this class isn't to communicate with Greek-speaking people. We don't have to hold a conversation in Greek or write papers in Greek, or even construct brand new sentences in Greek. Everything we need to know and interact with is already written in the New Testament, and we just have to know enough to work with that material. That made it feel a whole lot less daunting to me. Also at Fuller, I'm taking a class on the Gospels with a woman who is supposed to be one incredible Gospels prof, so I'm excited. I really love New Testament Biblical Studies classes, especially the Gospels. So, this will be great.
Also, I was accepted into Fuller's choir - or Vocal Ensemble, as they like to be called. There was an audition, and I could tell I was very out of practice as far as classical singing goes, but I made it. I think I would've been a little embarrassed to not make it. The choir is pretty good, but not incredible, and after singing in some pretty awesome choirs at Calvin, it would be sad to be rejected from this little number. But, I wasn't, so hooray! Anyway, our first rehearsal was last night, and I was surprised how much I missed it. I realized that the past year (and then some) since I've been out of college was the first time in my life that I wasn't part of a choir since I was about 6 years old. So it was nice to be at it again. Yes, I know, I am a choir nerd.
Another self-revelation came to me in Greek. The letter "O", which in Greek is "omicron", which is the symbol for the short-O sound. (Aren't you impressed with my extensive alphabetical knowledge? And only after one class and about three I-don't-know-how-to-do-this-I-can't-do-this freakout moments!) In class, the professor was helping us through the alphabet and the pronunciation of each letter (similar to a kindergarten class exercise), and when he got to "omicron" and said it was a short-O, like "aw" (sort of), I thought to myself...that's not a short-O sound. But then I thought back to my singing diction classes and remembered that yes, that is the short-O sound, but why does it sound so weird to me when it's spoken? And I realized, I learned how to talk in Wisconsin, in which the short-O is more like a really nasally "ah." Oops.
Anyway, back to my attempt to read and pronounce various Greek words. I will not freak out...
Grandma seems to be doing better, and, according to my mom, is a little disappointed in that. :) She's no longer on morphine and the pain has subsided, but the general consensus is that while death may not be imminent anymore, it also may not be far off. Grandma just wants to go be with God - she's not enjoying her new nursing home, which I can imagine. Mentally, she's always been incredible, but she just can't live on her own physically speaking anymore. But it sounds like a large majority of the other residents aren't in the same boat. They do, however, have Packer parties there, so...well, it's Wisconsin. :)
In other news, Jeremy and I started classes again on Monday. I'm realizing that this will be our first full year as Fuller students. With the start of the quarter came the start of Greek, for me. This will be interesting. I'm not sure my crappy high school Spanish program counts as experience studying foreign languages, so I'm not sure if I'm good at learning foreign languages. But, as my prof reminded us, the goal of this class isn't to communicate with Greek-speaking people. We don't have to hold a conversation in Greek or write papers in Greek, or even construct brand new sentences in Greek. Everything we need to know and interact with is already written in the New Testament, and we just have to know enough to work with that material. That made it feel a whole lot less daunting to me. Also at Fuller, I'm taking a class on the Gospels with a woman who is supposed to be one incredible Gospels prof, so I'm excited. I really love New Testament Biblical Studies classes, especially the Gospels. So, this will be great.
Also, I was accepted into Fuller's choir - or Vocal Ensemble, as they like to be called. There was an audition, and I could tell I was very out of practice as far as classical singing goes, but I made it. I think I would've been a little embarrassed to not make it. The choir is pretty good, but not incredible, and after singing in some pretty awesome choirs at Calvin, it would be sad to be rejected from this little number. But, I wasn't, so hooray! Anyway, our first rehearsal was last night, and I was surprised how much I missed it. I realized that the past year (and then some) since I've been out of college was the first time in my life that I wasn't part of a choir since I was about 6 years old. So it was nice to be at it again. Yes, I know, I am a choir nerd.
Another self-revelation came to me in Greek. The letter "O", which in Greek is "omicron", which is the symbol for the short-O sound. (Aren't you impressed with my extensive alphabetical knowledge? And only after one class and about three I-don't-know-how-to-do-this-I-can't-do-this freakout moments!) In class, the professor was helping us through the alphabet and the pronunciation of each letter (similar to a kindergarten class exercise), and when he got to "omicron" and said it was a short-O, like "aw" (sort of), I thought to myself...that's not a short-O sound. But then I thought back to my singing diction classes and remembered that yes, that is the short-O sound, but why does it sound so weird to me when it's spoken? And I realized, I learned how to talk in Wisconsin, in which the short-O is more like a really nasally "ah." Oops.
Anyway, back to my attempt to read and pronounce various Greek words. I will not freak out...
Monday, September 28, 2009
Developments in the Kelder Family
My grandma is not doing well. She's had heart problems for awhile now, late last week she was taken to the hospital with fluid in her lungs and kidneys, which are all symptoms of heart failure. A few months ago, she had to move out of her duplex and into an apartment in a retirement community, which was pretty difficult for her. Over the weekend, after being released from the hospital, she had to move from there to a nursing home. While in the process of moving, she said, "This is my last move. After this, the only move I'll make is (and then she pointed up)." Yesterday, my parents got a call from my uncle that Grandma seemed to be quickly moving towards the end. She's in a lot of pain, they're giving her morphine, and my parents are awaiting the call that they should go to her right away. She's ready to go, and has been for awhile - but just pray for comfort and peace.
Meanwhile, my brother, Brian, had baby number 2 this morning! At 7:40 a.m. (Eastern - which is weird because my clock is turning to 7:40 a.m. Pacific at this very moment...), Eliza Grace Kelder was born. Everyone is healthy and happy! Andrew (my nephew) can already say her name (minus the z).
As my mom said in an e-mail this morning, "My Mom, your Grandma, is on her deathbed at the very same time Christy is in labor. Both are in pain, and soon both will experience a wonderful new life. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away!"
Meanwhile, my brother, Brian, had baby number 2 this morning! At 7:40 a.m. (Eastern - which is weird because my clock is turning to 7:40 a.m. Pacific at this very moment...), Eliza Grace Kelder was born. Everyone is healthy and happy! Andrew (my nephew) can already say her name (minus the z).
As my mom said in an e-mail this morning, "My Mom, your Grandma, is on her deathbed at the very same time Christy is in labor. Both are in pain, and soon both will experience a wonderful new life. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away!"
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